blog blog

1/11/2025 im so good

minecraft everyday failing gcses speedrun the adhd is real

17/10/2025 haitus

i havent updated this site in a while beavuse of a few reasons. one i lost interest in this site, and two because i no longer had access to my mackbooj so i just kinda gave up coding.
i do wish to improove this site further but tbh one thing is that i do want to change the theme from pastle and cute to more gothic (ouji) as i prefer that over cute stuff in genreal. i do like this theme and i enjoy it but its just not me. im thinking making it sort of have a turret and such and maybe some other non gothic aspects such as computery things. i will archive this theme.
also the bass, i am slowly learning it i can play one song (yes i know im ass but im trying my best). ive also started playing minecraft again (dummbasss) and ive made a few animations.
i am now in year eleven which is my last year of highschool and my recent TP4 came back and i got such ass scores im going to jump. anyway ive applied to some colleges i hope i get far in life i hope.
also i wont write peoms anymore i was like loosing it

and the day i wrote this blog was the one year animversery??? i didnt even notic until now (1/11/2025) broo

14/7/2025 dorset

got a bass and went to dorset which is nice. the emptiness is growing larger

2/7/2025 exams over + artfight

the exams werent too bad but as i didnt revise i got a shit score in chemistry, havent got the rest of my results though. as now artfight has started i am on the drawing grind. i wonder if im just going to pump out mediocre stuff just to get some points. i dont know what i should do in summer. mabye draw more, exersise ang get buff lesbian muscles idkk. i just wantt so like well do nothing, i dont want to age further, i dont want time to pass, i want everything to stay stagnant. oh welll.
i hate the underdetirminedness of the future, i want to see if i will get what i want i dont want to live in constant worry. the future is too far yet tooo close, i will blink and ill be doing my finals, be in college, uni or maybe i will die, who knows. the future is up to you, it is not detirmined like in books or films, you can still change it. i know i know i procrastinate all day all night and never try to build my future so maybe thats why i live in constant fear, valueing short term current joy over a sucessful future. i wish i could try and improve but all i can do is welll, just hope for the best. i have no motvation to create the future i dream of and imagine all day and night.
one of my hobbies is just to lay in my bed and think of the future i would like with all my parasocial relationships come true and be rich and famous, and that everyone loves me. everyone wishes to be loved but some will never understand the deep and painful need for fame and acceptance. i truely do wish everyone loved me no matter what shitty things i do.

18/6/2025 mock exams are starting

welllll i havent revised ONCE atleast its mocks but if i act like this now what will happen on my proper? im not saying im destined to fail but i am not getting straight 9s, although i am predicted three 9s currently but due to my current increasing lack of like understanding of most topics, i am starting to fail...
i dont understand anything, especially english language or lit. english language is TOMORROW pleaase save me. anddd ill also need to memorise like 50 or so quotes, maybe more ANDDD as i said i havent revised once sooo im like failing ig... i hate have poor analysis skills kms
anyway today i have my alll day art exam which doesnt seem too bad tbh but like its all day so itll be quite dull

21/12/2112 test title

copypaster tester

21/12/2112 test title

copypaster tester

21/12/2112 test title

copypaster tester