new blog design

#website ⠀ 22/3/2026

new blog design new me you may have noticed me slowly updating pages on my site woo sp yeah im doing a site overhaul wooo yayyy look at my beautiful improved indentation
my old blogs are still here because idk i jus feel personal towards them i hate deleting things i feel bad

someone genuinly help me

#website ⠀ #personal ⠀ 9/3/2026

nothing is improving its just getting worse i try to tell my friends but its not honest no matter how much i look forward to the future it wont change..
although i have made two new pages and im happy abt that, making pages is like the only thing i can do rn and im glad abt that

am trying to update

#website ⠀ #personal ⠀ 5/3/2026

lost interest in ouji theme crying emoji but i am planning another theme, maybe slightly ouji but also kinda like idk how to explain but ig like the best way to describe is like a low quality image with a box shadow. i am keeping the turret/tower thpugh its so cool yess. rather than dark blue theme ill prob to red and black with only a little bit of blue however idk i havent started coding it yet
ok new year new me i say as it turns the third month of the year.. whelp im super low motivation, worsening everyday icl even though i was able to just scrape past in my previous exams, now i cant even be asked to answer the questions, especially in english. i dont know what will happen in the future, i know i can change it but i am filled with avolition. all of my thoughts are just another way of covering up, escaping from everything. i dont think i can really change, i cant tell if its adhd or if its like something else, or if its a mix, comorbid..
i think i have returned to my thoughts of idk like some times i can tell the difference and other times i cant. i wish i was able to talk to people better but i am scared of being judged AND THE FUCKING IDIOT OMG I HATE THEM SO MUCH EVERYTHING IS THEIR FAULT i bet if they didnt say what they did everything wouldve gone much better i hope they go fuck themself

im so good

#website ⠀ #personal ⠀ 1/11/2025

minecraft everyday failing gcses speedrun the procrastination is real

haitus

#website ⠀ #personal ⠀ #school ⠀ 17/10/2025

i havent updated this site in a while beavuse of a few reasons. one i lost interest in this site, and two because i no longer had access to my mackbooj so i just kinda gave up coding.
i do wish to improove this site further but tbh one thing is that i do want to change the theme from pastle and cute to more gothic (ouji) as i prefer that over cute stuff in genreal. i do like this theme and i enjoy it but its just not me. im thinking making it sort of have a turret and such and maybe some other non gothic aspects such as computery things. i will archive this theme.
also the bass, i am slowly learning it i can play one song (yes i know im ass but im trying my best). ive also started playing minecraft again (dummbasss) and ive made a few animations.
i am now in year eleven which is my last year of highschool and my recent TP4 came back and i got such ass scores im going to jump. anyway ive applied to some colleges i hope i get far in life i hope.
also i wont write peoms anymore i was like loosing it

and the day i wrote this blog was the one year animversery??? i didnt even notic until now (1/11/2025) broo

dorset

#holiday ⠀ #personal ⠀ 14/7/2025

got a bass and went to dorset which is nice. the emptiness is growing larger

exams over + artfight

#school ⠀ #personal ⠀ 2/7/2025

the exams werent too bad but as i didnt revise i got a shit score in chemistry, havent got the rest of my results though. as now artfight has started i am on the drawing grind. i wonder if im just going to pump out mediocre stuff just to get some points. i dont know what i should do in summer. mabye draw more, exersise ang get buff lesbian muscles idkk. i just wantt so like well do nothing, i dont want to age further, i dont want time to pass, i want everything to stay stagnant. oh welll.
i hate the underdetirminedness of the future, i want to see if i will get what i want i dont want to live in constant worry. the future is too far yet tooo close, i will blink and ill be doing my finals, be in college, uni or maybe i will die, who knows. the future is up to you, it is not detirmined like in books or films, you can still change it. i know i know i procrastinate all day all night and never try to build my future so maybe thats why i live in constant fear, valueing short term current joy over a sucessful future. i wish i could try and improve but all i can do is welll, just hope for the best. i have no motvation to create the future i dream of and imagine all day and night.
one of my hobbies is just to lay in my bed and think of the future i would like with all my parasocial relationships come true and be rich and famous, and that everyone loves me. everyone wishes to be loved but some will never understand the deep and painful need for fame and acceptance. i truely do wish everyone loved me no matter what shitty things i do.

mock exams are starting

#school ⠀ #personal ⠀ #irl 18/6/2025

welllll i havent revised ONCE atleast its mocks but if i act like this now what will happen on my proper? im not saying im destined to fail but i am not getting straight 9s, although i am predicted three 9s currently but due to my current increasing lack of like understanding of most topics, i am starting to fail... i dont understand anything, especially english language or lit. english language is TOMORROW pleaase save me. anddd ill also need to memorise like 50 or so quotes, maybe more ANDDD as i said i havent revised once sooo im like failing ig... i hate have poor analysis skills kms
anyway today i have my alll day art exam which doesnt seem too bad tbh but like its all day so itll be quite dull

test test amirite

#website ⠀ #personal ⠀ 21/12/2112

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